Psalm 62:5-8 (NIV)
5 Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from Him.
6 He alone is my rock and my salvation;
He is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
7 My salvation and my honor depend on God;
He is my mighty rock, my refuge.
8 Trust in Him at all times, O people;
pour out your hearts to Him,
for God is our refuge.
Selah
Anger is an emotion that destroys many things, including trust. Trust cannot be present when the heart is furious. I've lately been feeling like my heart is a dark and angry place. I wonder where the woman went who loved her Lord, who loved people, and whose joy was considered contagious. I feel like a complete failure, and one night recently I poured myself out in the dark before the Lord. "Why am I so angry? Where did I go? I feel like I am losing me, Father. Please speak to my heart."
Out of the light, the Holy Spirit answered, "You are angry because you do not trust Me. You had your own expectations, and those unmet expectations turned into disappointments, and disappointments into frustrations, and frustrations into anger."
I thought hard about what the Spirit had said, and I reflected on all the things I could identify as a source of frustration or anger. And you know what? He was right. I could track every single thing back to an unmet expectation - how I thought things should have gone, how a relationship was supposed to be, what my career should look like, you get the picture. All the while, I was telling myself I wanted God's will, but in reality, I wanted God's will to fulfill my own hopes and expectations. God's asking me to loosen my fearful grip on my unmet expectations - all of them. I'm trying to allow God to fill me with the hopes, dreams, and expectations He has for my life.
Maybe this was overshare. If it was, I apologise.
03 July, 2008
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4 comments:
I love you...keep your chin up, and trust in Him.
No overshare! Enlightenment for me! Thank you. This is something I must remind myself over and over as I live my life. This is the only way to be happy, to have peace and to have passion!
Well, I'm certainly glad that it was enlightening for you and that I'm not the only one that needs to be reminded of these things!
Such a solid reminder for all of us. Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing. We all fall and fail at times. None of us are perfect. Thank God for His amazing grace and for the promptings and truth leading of the Holy Spirit.
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